How To Speak Chinese Funny

I think you need a face lift………………… Chin Tu Fat Stupid man…………………………………… Dum Gai Staying out of sight………………………… Lei Ying Lo I thought you were on a diet……………… Wai Yu Mun Ching? It’s very dark in here……………………….. Wai So Dim?

Traditional Sense of Humour – More Chinese Yarns

Prime Minister Chang was happy enough to write, but he didn’t put in a lot of care into his brush strokes. Everybody sneered at his bad handwriting, and the Prime Minister himself really didn’t care. One day Chang thought of a beautiful sentence and at once wielded his writing brush to write it down, indeed, …

Shanyuan and the Lie or Always Tell the Truth

Hong was a rogue, a charlatan and a rascal, but he a hard life and barely managed to keep body and soul together.  He often was close to starving.  So one day Hong happened to pass a household that was holding the funeral of one of its family members. Quickly, Hong slipped into the house …

Huang Fu and the Bottle of Wine Parable

Huang Fu was a very rich man who was deliberately tough on his farmhand, Hop. Huang Fu gave Hop a bottle and said, ‘Buy me a bottle of wine.’ Hop, the poor farmhand enquired, ‘How can I buy you wine with no money at all?’ Huang Fu replied disdainfully, ‘Anyone can buy wine with money. …

The Story of Chen and The Cakes

Chen was extremely hungry, so he left work and went to a local snack bar where he bought a cake.  When Chen had eaten the cake, he found that he was still famished, and so he ate a second one. Even then he was not full up and promptly ate six cakes in succession, but …

Never Judge By Appearance: A Salutary Chinese Tale

At the final dinner of an international conference, an American delegate turned to the Chinese delegate sitting next to him, pointed to the soup and asked somewhat condescendingly, ‘Likee soupee?’ The Chinese gentlemen nodded eagerly. A little later, it was ‘Likee fishee?’ and ‘Likee meatee?’ and ‘Likee fruitee?’ and always the response was an affable …

Ed Zachary Disease

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite sometime. She was afraid that there might be something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she go see Dr. Chang, the well …

84 Ways to Know If You’re Chinese

1. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those bows) next year. 2. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off. 3. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in …

LEARN TO SPEAK CHINESE…

Ai Bang Mai Ne I bumped into the coffee table Ar U Wun Tu A gay liberation greeting Chin Tu Fat You need a face lift Dum Gai A stupid person Gun Pao Der An ancient Chinese invention Hu Flung Dung Which one of you fertilized the field? Hu Yu Hai Ding We have reason …

ConFuSciouS SayS:

“man who run in front of car get tired” “man who run behind car get exhausted” “man with one hand in pocket not neccessarily jingling change” “To prevent hangover stay drunk!” “Passionate kiss like spider’s web – soon lead to undoing of fly.” “Virginity like bubble. One prick – all gone!” “Foolish man give wife …