Shopping Early

It was coming up to Christmas and the Judge was in a jolly frame of mind.“Now then, please tell me, what is the charge against you?”  ” I was caught doing my Christmas shopping very early.” replied the man in the dock. “That doesn’t seem like an offence to me. What do you mean by …

The Last Reindeer

A reindeer walked into a pub, strolled up to the bar and ordered a pint of lager.Completely unphased, the barman poured out the lager and passed it to the reindeer, who handed over a ten pound note. As he handed over the change of a few coins, the barman said “I have to say, you’re …

The Three Stages Of Life

  Stage One:     You believe in Father Christmas.                                                           Stage Two:     You don’t believe in Father Christmas.                                                           Stage Three:   You are Father Christmas.

Another Day At The Office

    Question:   Why is Christmas just like another day at the office?  Answer:      You end up doing all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Shopping For A Turkey

It was Christmas Eve in a supermarket and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one. In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said “Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?” “No” he replied, “They’re all dead”.  

Santa’s Gender

Christmas has to be a warm, well organised, caring, considerate, social occasion. So, it’s unlikely that a man could take responsibility for making it happen.For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about Christmas until Christmas Eve. And when they do eventually rush into the high street at the latest possible moment, they …

Christmas Knickers

  Billy wanted to purchase a Christmas gift for his new sweetheart. They had not been going out together for very long. So, after careful consideration, he decided that a pair of gloves would most appropriate; romantic but not too personal. He then engaged the help of his sweetheart’s younger sister to assist him in …

Christmas Angel

One Christmas, a long time ago, Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip; but there were problems …… everywhere. Four of his elves were away sick and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones. So, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. …

Christmas Parrot

A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for an unusual gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he’s looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that …

The Weather Man

A long time ago, in Communist Russia, there was a famous weather man named Rudolf. He’s always had a 100% accuracy rate for his forecasts of the Russian weather conditions. His people loved him and respected him for his faultless foresight. He was particularly good at predicting rain. One night, despite clear skies, he made …