Luke and Stan

Luke: Why did the M&M go to school? Stan: I’m stumped. Luke: Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!

Dan and David

David: Why did the broom get a poor grade in school? Dan: I don’t know. Why? David: Because it was always sweeping during class!

Kate and Nate

Nate: Why was school easier for cave people? Kate: Why? Nate: Because there was no history to study!

Luke

Luke comes home from his first day of school, and his mother asks, “What did you learn today?” “Not enough,” Luke replies. “They said I have to go back tomorrow.”

Shopping Early

It was coming up to Christmas and the Judge was in a jolly frame of mind.“Now then, please tell me, what is the charge against you?”  ” I was caught doing my Christmas shopping very early.” replied the man in the dock. “That doesn’t seem like an offence to me. What do you mean by …

The Last Reindeer

A reindeer walked into a pub, strolled up to the bar and ordered a pint of lager.Completely unphased, the barman poured out the lager and passed it to the reindeer, who handed over a ten pound note. As he handed over the change of a few coins, the barman said “I have to say, you’re …

The Three Stages Of Life

  Stage One:     You believe in Father Christmas.                                                           Stage Two:     You don’t believe in Father Christmas.                                                           Stage Three:   You are Father Christmas.

Another Day At The Office

    Question:   Why is Christmas just like another day at the office?  Answer:      You end up doing all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Shopping For A Turkey

It was Christmas Eve in a supermarket and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one. In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said “Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?” “No” he replied, “They’re all dead”.  

Santa’s Gender

Christmas has to be a warm, well organised, caring, considerate, social occasion. So, it’s unlikely that a man could take responsibility for making it happen.For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about Christmas until Christmas Eve. And when they do eventually rush into the high street at the latest possible moment, they …